Wow... I haven't updated livejournal in almost foreverrrr. Well, where do I start? All the boy drama I have been having lately? The drama I've had in general? All the new friends I have met? How I am working two jobs and barely sleep? Or the fact that everyone and everything around me is changing and that I don't accept change very well. Anyways, my life has been an emotional roller coaster. In the past year, I have had 3 major surgeries, a bad arm, a boot on my foot, and am preparing for yet another surgery. I don't know how I am doing all of this and why I keep getting sick, I guess that is for me to find out. Anywho, my love life is non-existant. I am realizing that I don't need a boyfriend or any guy to make me happy. I am still trying to find out who I am as a person and what my purpose is (besides being spidey jr lol). All I really want is to be happy and I am finding out that sometimes, even that isn't easy to do. I just wish I knew why...

I don't know what more to say (that's a lie, yes I do). So for now its goodbye but I will update soon.

<333

Well, the doctor gave me a shot today for my arm. which by the way...is causing me to have A TON of pain. It hurts to carry my keys in it. He said that I should feel better by tomorrow but I don't think he understands the amount of pressure going on through me. I dont know.

Also, my friend Peter and I had a falling out last night over something really stupid. I don't know. I guess this will all be blamed on me soon but what can I do?? Nothing. I do not want any drama from anyone or anything around me I cannot handle any more stress than I already have. I just wish that some of this pressure would go away already because it is the second week of school and I still have barely anything done for any of my classes. Which is just making things ten times worse. Someone help. Give me advice, food, popcicles? I guess I just really want to be reassured that things are going to be better in the end. I don't like it when people do not like me or do not want to be friend.

I like these... alot:

So I havent written here in awhile and oh how Ive missed it. My second year at Cleveland State isnt really going as planned. I havent asked for drama but its all I seem to get...

1) I mean I move out here and my sisters automatically think that I am running away from my problems... which could be partially true especially since my mom lost her job over something stupid she did and because it is really stressful.

2) This stupid girl in Fenn thinks im stalking my RA. WTF? He lives on my floor... so wouldn't you think I would see him and talk to him all the time? Well anyways, I have found out that ever since she has seen him she has had the hots for him and she thinks im tryin to take him from her, which I am not. She just doesnt realize that he doesn't like her like that. Oh well... his problem not mine.

3) Some idiodic girl decided to make fun of my friends because they are homosexuals. Well, those girls really did end up learning the hard way because I am going to say is that they got put in their places. But what I really want to know is that if you are a "lesbian" would you honestly make fun of another homosexual?? Because from my experience with this... I would never make fun of a friend or other person because of their sexual preference.

4) Why is it that when I start some place new there has to be drama? I mean I know that I am a social flirt but its jsut the way I am. I cant help it. I guess it is because I am too nice and friendly that some people take it to the extreme. If I like a guy of course I am going to tell him because I would rather him know that for him to think otherwise or to hear it from someone else. I dont know about what is going on anymore I guess. But what I do know is that this year is definatly going to be an interesting one considering:
- I told someone that I have a cush on them and maybe that wasnt the best thing to do
- I need to stop callin people "boo" because im confusing them
- and... all these guys who I didnt think "liked" me...actually DO "like me, like me" which might end up being a problem

Well...lets see if I can keep this up. I guess its easier to "write" out what you are thinking & feel rather than talking about it with others. I guess all I can ask for is for luck...

Well, I am heading back to Cleveland on Sunday morning. I am really super excited cause I miss everyone terribly!! Well lets see what has happend with my journey in New Jersey. We have only gone to New York once. We were supposed to go at least twice...but that has not happened. I have also dont wayyy too much shoppin and I now need to go and buy a new suitcase because I cannot fit everything I bought in it. Which sucks cause who wants to spend money on a suitcase....def. not me. But anyways...the last 2 days have been really lazy, laid back days. Its not that I am not having fun but I thought we were going to do more than lay around in bed until 1-2pm and then go do something. That is not something I call fun. I like to be very active and lately we have not. I also havent been getting much sleep. I dont know why I ever travel because I know that I cant really sleep at other people's houses. Well let me start with last friday.

We got into New Jersey almost an hour late because our plane was delayed...which really sucked because I hate HATE HATE flying!! I cannot stand being up so high in the air for long periods of time. And then when we finally landed, we waited for her mom and brother to get to the airport and pick us up. The lights were pretty amazing while we were trying to land...I like looking at how bright the city really is way high...but I still dont like flying. So when we left the airport, we went to McDonalds to get some food...I was really hungry and then we came back to her house. I met her family...they are all really nice. We were talkin to her dad but as that was going on I started to fall asleep which was bad. I then went upstairs and fell asleep on jova's bed in all my clothes and with my bookbag right next to me. That was intense. Then on Saturday we went shopping at Jersey Gardens, which is an outlet mall. It was fun...we spent about 5 hours in this mall with her best friend Elizabeth and her cousins Kenny and Keith. They were real cool and bought me a Cinnabon...which was delicious!! :) Then we left the mall and went out to eat Chinese food...and on the way there I saw my very first prostitutes...that was interesting....i never wanna see them AGAIN!! Then after food we went bowling but I didnt bowl cause I wasnt feeling so well. On Sunday we went to visit her grandma and aunt. Her aunt cooked us dinner which was very delicious and I also met some of her cousins who are really cool. On monday...we went to the mall and did more shopping. We were at the mall from 10:45am til 1:20ish pm. Yeah....lots of shopping, and then we picked up her brother and I met her other grandma. On Tuesday we went to New York with Elizabeth. It was fun...I shopped on 5th Ave, rode the trains, saw the Empire State Building, Ground Zero, Rockafellar Center and then we met up with Jovas friend and left New York around 7ish. We didnt get back until almost 9 pm. Those trains take a long time!! On Wendsday we went to the Jersey Shore and I met her other aunt and her neice. They were really nice. Then we went to the beach and I collected some sand and seashells for Chels and Tree Tree Marie. It was fun, the we ate at KFC and picked up Liz so that we could go and get the prices on tattoos. The lady at the tattoo parlor was really mean to me and Iwanted to kick her in the head. The on Thursday...we stayed in bed from 8 am until 2:30ish until we had to pick up her brother from school. Then we picked up her aunt and nephew and went to the mall. We were at the mall for like 4 hours...it was intense. I didnt buy much from that mall but I have bought TONS of shit since I have been out here and then we came back and went to bed. It hasnt been too exciting. And today I have been up since about 8:30 and have laid in bed after my shower. So i have been sitting here not doing anything...and it hasnt been too exciting. Yep...well that has been my day so far, I will try nad update before I leave New Jersey and if not... I will update when I get back...

until later...

Im leavin...on a jet plane...ill be back next sunday...which i then have to work from 2-5 because my life sucks. oh well...it will go on. Just wanted you all to know :)

Well, yesterday was the big doom day. I went to the Cleveland Clinic and had my 2...not 1 but 2 cysts drained from my bum. And I would just like to say that this is something I wouldnt even wish on my worst enemy because these things are soooo painful. I couldnt sleep a full night, couldnt sit on the toilet right, cant sit in a chair without a pillow, and I cant even wear good pants because these things hurt so bad. I do not like these things what so ever. So...back to the surgery. Well Jova went with me because I couldn't go by myself. I think even if I tried to go alone, I would probably chicken out or something because the pain I went through yesterday almost killed me!! I was crying so hard because I could feel her sticking me with the needles and I felt her cutting me. I am such a wimp when it comes to pain because frankly..I cannot take pain very well at all!! But jova was there with me so it was a little easier but it was still bery painful. I feel bad for tree tree and jova cause they gotta look at my ass for awhile!! lol Anyways, the healing process is ok, im on a few painkillers and some antibiotics in case I get an infection. I just hope all is well. I go back in 3 weeks to make sure everything is healing well and I hope all is!! I will update later :)

love ya!!

Well lets see...since Jan. 26th, everything that could be going wrong....IS!! First off, my friend Fred, his ex girlfriend wants to kill me because all these people (who by the way...do NOT know me) are tellin her me & fred are havin sex and are in a relationship. This in fact is NOT true. I love Fred...he is my BEST FRIEND. People need to realize that they are being childish and this is not going to cut it with me...i am sick of this shit. I tell Fred EVERYTHING....which may suck for some people but he seems to be the only person that I can really trust anymore because everyone wants to be judgemental and what not.

Secondly, me and justin are not really friends anymore and this SUCKS. Every time I see him now, he is around Gina (one of his ex's). Who by the way...HATES me. What it is that I ever did to her...I don't know. I don't understand why all these girls feel the need to have middle school drama in their lives. If you don't like me being friends with your guy or ex boyfriend...GET OVER IT. People need to realize that not everything is going to go your way and you have to learn to deal with it. Just like I am learning to deal with the fact that me and justin are not going to talk anymore. I can't stand this..."i like you but gina messed me up inside" bullshit...i say that if you don't like me like you kept saying...be a man and tell me, dont give me some cockamamey bullshit of an excuse...I DONT NEED IT. Sadly....i will miss your "24" mondays...cause i really do love that show.

Thirdly...why are people being so ignorant. I am so SICK of this girly crap from all these girls who live at viking. It is getting annoying. A girl can't be friends with guys anymore because everyone thinks you are sleepin around. Get a life people.

Fourth...I really need to slow down on the drinkin. I am starting to have a problem because last sunday i ended up in the hospital cause my friends didnt know what to do with me. I drank wayyyyyy too much on saturday night and ended up blacking out in fred's room...not recollecting anything between his room and the hospital. Chels said i stopped breathing and threw up all over her. I know now that the drinkin def. needs to stop. It is affecting my school work, family, friends, and work itself. I need help...but also...

I HAVE A CYST....and it is KILLING me!! It is on my tailbone and it hurts so bad. On Wednesday i am going to see surgery cause they are either going to have to cut it out orrr drain it. I hope they just cut it out cause i do not like this feeling what so ever. My bum is hurtin so bad!! It hurts to walk, sit, pee, sleep, lay down....anything!! I have problems...SHIT!!

And that's whats going on so far....hope you enjoyed it!! :)

Well lets see..since i got back from Pittsburgh, everything seems to be ok. We are back in school now and its pretty fun. I havent really been hanging out with Brian and them a lot but hopefully when the baseball games start, i will be at a lot of them. I really hope they do good this season. Anyways, I have actually talked to Ryan a few times. Not that anything is going on between us anymore or anything but i am seriously trying to be his friend. It is hard on me and i think him to, for us to be friends because of everything that has gone down between us. I don't understand why we cant work this out. I think that he thinks i want a relationship from him, but i dont. I still like him but i cannot change the way he feels, nor am i going to try to. He is such a nice guy, i wish he would just realize that he doesnt have to be so secretive or hold things back. I mean, if he doesnt want to be friends...fine. I can handle that. I just wish that things weren't like this at all. He told me something that i didn't want to hear a few days ago. Its nothing serious...but it was something that I seriously didnt need to hear. I was fine with the way things were...him ignoring me and me trying to get him to talk to me. But he is a typical guy and things like this do happen. Oh well, i will just have to see how this semester goes between us and hopefully things will work out for the better.

I have also been hanging out with justin from the third floor a lot more. I dont know what is going on but he is really nice and i like him. But his ex girlfriends dont like me. I dont know what it is that i do...but seriously. I think some people need to grow up.

I also have been hanging out with some other cool people that I didnt think i would ever. Majority of them do play sports, so its nice to know that i am hanging out with other people. I like this new katie. I am getting to know others, going out more, volunteers, and just having fun. Work is getting a little crazy right now, but hopefully it will work its self out.

I really dont know what else to say, but i must be off to bed. Hopefully i will remember to start updating this more....

love ya

Totally leavin for Pittsburgh on saturday!!!